I’m Tired Of This Fight

So, next week, huh?

It feels like we’ve been having the same discussion for nearly a decade now, ever since blatant misogyny and xenophobia became part of regular American political discourse. And here we are, waiting with bated breath to see if the United States elects a man who longs to be a dictator, to see if we can put all this behind us or if we’ll have to keep having the same conversation. It’s been over nine years and I’m tired of this discussion; one would hope things would have changed.

Looking back to a decade ago, there are things that have improved — or at the very least remained the same. The Affordable Care Act remains in place. Same-sex marriage has been legalized across the United States. Efforts are underway to ease student loans. But then, a lot has gone sideways too. A pandemic was weaponized into a political tool that saw many needlessly fall sick and die. Abortion has been made illegal in swaths of the country. A ruling decreed that the opinion of unelected legal wonks can supersede experts’ decisions on everything from the economy to the environment. The United States is using my tax money to fund an actual fucking genocide.

And there’s a chance that the American electorate will put in power a wannabe fascist seeking revenge on any who disagree with him, a man who just the other day fantasized about putting rivals before firing squads, a man who led an insurrection against his own government the last time he lost. And so we’re talking about him, about his bid for power, and I am so tired of talking about this.

Tuesday looms a black hole that absorbs the days before and the days beyond. I wish I could champion causes like I used to, of single-payer healthcare, living wages, affordable housing, parental leave, and public transport — but right now that is all subsumed by the greater threat of re-electing a man who would declare himself a dictator. It’s difficult to pressure political leaders to stop paying for a genocide when there’s a literal monster envious of Hitler waiting in the wings. A choice between the machine of fascism and the alternative is no true choice, it is not a healthy democracy. 

I am tired. So very tired. I’m tired of this fight. 

But I don’t want to live in a country that condones this. I don’t want to live in a country where this  bigotry and this evil has become the norm. I cannot believe that this injustice will become normal. I want to believe in a better world. I want to believe what Dr. King said about the arc of the moral universe bending towards justice. I want to believe a society that cares for its last and its least is possible.

So tomorrow has to be better; I cannot believe that it will not be. No matter how Tuesday goes, I still have to hope and fight for a better future, still have to push and call and advocate for a country that tries to be a democracy, that treats women and minorities as people, that doesn’t fund genocide. And maybe, yes, one that could build an actual working high-speed rail system.